Why She Left You On Read And How To Counter It Like A Boss
Updated: November 2, 2022
She left you on read—or—she left you on seen. Whichever it may be, the fact of the matter is that you got blatantly ignored. Or did you? And that is precisely what sucks most about this situation… There are SO. MANY. QUESTIONS.
Is she doing it on purpose? To make you think she’s not too invested.
Is she busy? And waiting to be free to text you back.
Perhaps that’s just how she texts, and you’re finding out now.
Or the worst possible scenario… Maybe she’s just not interested in you… it happens
But regardless of which it may be, the reality is that:
ALL THESE QUESTIONS ARE SOCCER KICKING YOU IN THE BRAIN LIKE A BAD MIGRAINE… SO WHAT DO YOU DO?! 🤷🏼♂️
Because if you double text her, you might come off as clingy.
If you don’t do anything, you might never talk to her again. Leaving you wholly unsatisfied, wondering if you could have done more to make her yours.
You’re caught in quite a dilemma.
Now, if you were the first man on earth, and this was the first time this dilemma occurred, then you’d be in deep shit. Fortunately, that’s not the case. A boatload of men have been through this before, myself included. And they have passed on the solution on how to overcome this issue in the smoothest, most dignified way possible.
And yes, you will find that information here.
The following article will help you understand why she might have left you on read, and give you 7 ways of making this situation work for you, not against you.
Let’s dive in
She left you on read—ok—after how long should you begin to worry?
You see the “read” at the bottom of the message box. An hour goes by… no response…two hours…still no response.
Finally, THREE WHOLE HOURS PASS BY, and this girl is still not responding! Does that mean she’s not into you?
Not at all. Relax.
People can get caught up with distractions throughout their day, especially women. I’ve seen girls go from 120% concentrated on one thing, to then completely dropping it 5 seconds later (the introduction of food usually causes this.)
It is widely recognized that women are more emotional than men—they seek it more—so they tend to jump to that next thing that produces that rush of dopamine.
So let’s say she’s texting you, and then one of her friends shows up with food—producing an exciting moment for her. She will now give all her attention to her friend. Well, mainly the food. But you can be sure that once that excitement passes, she will come back to you (can take many hours.)
Now you might say, “but she’s never left me on read before.” It doesn’t matter… unless she’s head over heels in love with you, she will keep responding more to other exciting stimuli.
A good rule to follow is: if she leaves you on read for longer 36 hours, only then can you begin to worry.
And still, this is not a set-in-stone rule. This is because sometimes girls will have sleepovers—ones which can last 2 or 3 days. So for that entire time, while excitement is high, there is a good chance you won’t hear from her. But once again, after all that is over, she will come back.
You haven’t known her long, and she left you on read
If you recently started talking to her, then being left on read should not come as a surprise to you.
The fact of the matter is you still haven’t created a strong enough bond for her to be giving you that much importance. Her attraction for you is still too low.
Remember, women aren’t as visual as men when it comes to attraction. Only after getting to know your personality do they become attracted—and that takes time. Right now, you’re just another guy who seems cool enough to get to know, but not cool enough to make you a priority—not even close!
So deal with the “read” messages and keep building attraction. And if you’re not sure how to build attraction, check out this article on 33 ways to be attractive to girls.
You’ve been talking to her a while now, and she left you on read for the first time.
If this is your situation, then you should be a bit more concerned. This is because at this point you should have built up enough of a bond to be a priority in her day-to-day life.
But, again, there could be a million reasons why she left you on read. Thus, it’s useless to worry too much.
If you haven’t done anything stupid to get her upset, then you should be okay. In a bit I will show you some reasons as for why this may have occurred, and then some ways to smoothly overcome it.
She continually leaves you on read
YOU SHOULD BE CONCERNED.
A girl that leaves you on read regularly—like every time you guys talk—is a girl that probably isn’t interested in you right now.
And yes, she might tell you the reason she leaves you on read is because she’s always busy—that’s complete BS. Would you leave your boss on read continually? How about a high-ticket client of yours? How about a girl you’ve been crushing on for years?
That’s because when something is important to us, we pay attention to it. And when something isn’t important to us, we ignore it. It’s as simple as that.
Don’t confuse this with her taking long to respond; that’s not what I’m referring to here. I’m talking about being left on read indefinitely—like you have to reach out again to hear from her.
But, there may still be a chance… More on what to do if you’re caught in this situation later…
Most common reasons for being left on read
She’s actually busy
This is probably the most common reason a girl will leave you on read temporarily.
Like I mentioned earlier, sometimes a girl just gets caught up with the different distractions happening around her. And if there isn’t a strong bond within the two of you, well, that other thing will take up all of her attention. This will continue until the excitement dies down, or the distraction goes away.
And in case you’re skeptical, this study shows how the human attention span has dropped from 12 sec in the year 2000 to 8.25 seconds in the year 2015. There’s a reason TikTok got popular, the short vids on the platform are the length of our current attention spans!
WHAT YOU CAN DO
If she’s still doing this, it means you guys haven’t been talking long—she doesn’t have strong feelings for you yet. In her hierarchy of priorities, you are below everything else going on in her life.
If you try to double text at this stage, you risk coming off as clingy. And there is nothing women hate more than clingy men.
So wait until she texts you back and continue the conversation as if you didn’t even notice she went silent. DO NOT ask for an explanation on why she left you on read.
Just relax. Over time, as she starts liking you more, her responses will get faster. In fact, she will put other things on pause to answer you!
She doesn’t want to seem too invested
Ever been interested in a girl up until she started acting really clingy? Weird how this happens huh?
Both men and women do it—we like the challenge. When it comes too easy we tend to lose interest. It’s almost like we want something that is seemingly out of our league to feel better about ourselves. But that’s a whole other subject…
But look, women are very aware of this human trait.
Thus, even though she might like you and wants to text you all day, she won’t. In fact, she will do the opposite. She will leave you on read.
She wants to make you believe that she’s not invested so that you keep chasing her; giving her the certainty that you want her and her alone. Once she’s certain of your commitment to her, she’ll begin to show how invested she really is.
And guess what? It works. And you reading this article right now is proof of that.
SO WHAT CAN YOU DO
Be aware of this, and once again, give it time.
Understand that she’s just playing the game. Besides, her playing the game is good news for you, it shows she’s really into you.
But how do you know if she’s playing the game or isn’t interested?
When she’s playing the game, she takes her time to answer, but she eventually always does. When she’s not interested, you never get a response. Simple as that.
She isn’t interested
This one always stings a little. But the faster you know, the less time you waste.
Plus, you’ll also avoid feeling like an idiot.
One of the main signs she isn’t interested is she doesn’t respond—like EVER! To the point that if you don’t type up another text, you’ll never hear from her again.
Keep in mind that: A slightly interested girl will fear losing you. Even if it’s a microscopic fear, it’s there. And that fear will move her to always respond—even if it’s much…much later…
Another way you can tell if she’s not interested is if she’s being short in her responses. So even though you were conversational before she left you on read, her texts came off as her being bored.
WHAT CAN YOU DO
You’re in a tough spot because you need to create attraction. But I get it, she’s not answering you.
So using the phone is out of the picture.
The only way to come back from this is to see her in person in order to raise her interest. For example, try to “run into her” and use that moment to talk to her and build attraction.
And I don’t mean to stalk her, Joe Goldberg. I mean, if you happen to go to school with her or work near her, be on the lookout.
Other than that, you’re pretty much done. Save yourself from being labeled a simp and walk away. Find another girl, there are plenty!
She’s too shy to talk
Believe it or not, some girls are simply too shy to talk to the guy they like. They’re rare, but they do exist—I’ve dealt with some.
You can usually tell who they are. These girls are quiet, often introverted, and have an innocent look about them.
In her mind, you are out of her league. She feels that you are too good for her. So rather than go through the heart-sinking rejection she foresees in the near future, she avoids it by never letting you in—AKA leaving you on read.
It’s a defense mechanism.
However, if you still want this girl, self-esteem issues and all… Then here are some ways around this setback.
WHAT YOU CAN DO
This is the only time when the double text is acceptable. Yes, you read that correctly.
Double text her!
Remember, this girl doesn’t believe you can actually like a girl like her. Therefore, you have to show her that your interest is real by being persistent.
Reaching out often will show that.
DO NOT: resend the same message or question her about her silence. Instead, try to send her something funny, or ask her about something you know she likes.
Chances are, after a few times, she will respond.
Something you said turned her off.
Some girls get annoyed easily or lack thick skin. So when a guy says something she feels is rude or hurtful, she will punish him by going silent.
I know, it’s petty, but it’s just what they do.
So look through the past few messages in the thread, is there something you said that was a bit out there? Something she could have taken offense from?
If there is, this is what you have to do now…
WHAT YOU CAN DO
Do one of two things: either let her cool down by not texting her for 24 hrs, or apologize for what may have rubbed her the wrong way.
Apologizing usually works very well. And no, you don’t have to be a SIMP about it. Just text her saying “hey, at the time I didn’t think what I said was a big deal, but I do apologize, I didn’t mean to offend you.”
And that’s all, you guys keep talking.
Many guys make the mistake of letting their ego get in the way. As a result, they won’t text the girl unless she texts first. This is a big mistake. Sometimes you have to let her think she’s winning. By being the one to text first, it lets her know that you do care. And that her little shit test isn’t enough you break you.
You’re not the only one
Yea, I know… how dare she talk to someone else other than you! Reality check—it happens AAAALLL THE TIME.. And it may very well be one of the reasons she’s not answering you.
Like my first point, the reason for her silence in this instance is simple, she’s busy. The problem is that now her attention is on another guy, meaning that, you’re that much less important to her. Think about it, her hierarchy looks something like this:
- Her hobbies
- Her friends
- The other guy
Being dead last, it’s not wonder she leaves you on read. There is so much going on in her life, she has no time for you!
And if she has deep feelings for this other guy, forget it, he’ll get all of her attention.
WHAT YOU CAN DO
Honestly, give it up. It’s not worth it.
To get this girl back, you have to hope that the other guy miraculously falls out of the picture. And even if he does, more times than not, he comes back after a while. And once he does, her attention will most likely shift over to him again because… feelings. 💁🏻♀️
But if you want to pursue her still, despite your microscopic chances, then the best thing to do is try to invite her out. To have a chance, you need to strengthen her attraction for you quickly. And as I mentioned before, you raise her attraction by letting her get to know you more.
She’s made a false assumption of you
Friends… They can have a huge impact on the decisions a girl makes. And the bad news: oftentimes, her friends are not on your side.
In fact, it’s not uncommon for a girl’s friends to speak badly of a guy. And sadly, most of the time the girl will believe it without even verifying the accuracy of the claims.
So if she left you on read, the reason could be that she’s made a false assumption about you, based on the opinions of her friends.
Now, if she left you on read indefinitely, you might be out of the game. However, if she leaves you on read but responds after some time, there’s still hope!
WHAT YOU CAN DO
You need to show her that her assumptions of you are wrong.
Quick story… A while back, I slid in the DM’s of this really cute, curvy, dark-haired Spanish girl—and it went great! We hit it off immediately. But then, by the 4th day, she started leaving me on read. I was left in a state of confusion, her behavior made no sense; we were getting along so well!
So eventually, I ended up asking her why the change in attitude; come to find out, she told me that a friend of hers had told her that I looked like a player, and of course, she believed it.
At this point, I knew my next strategy must be to clean my name, to change her perception of me—and I did…
By telling her my values, being honest about my past, and assuring her that I had matured— and as a result, I gained her trust, and we continued talking like before.
Ha! Take that friend!
When a girl you’re digging leaves you on read, the first to do is to relax. In their daily lives, people get distracted; and this might be the case with her. If it’s been less than 36 hours, then you’re still in good shape.
Next, you need to assess your current situation with her based on past behavior. Does she usually leave you on read? Is this the first time she does it? How long have you known her? Based on the answers to these questions, you can gauge how severe your situation is.
Lastly, try to pinpoint which might be the reason she left you on read. Here are the most popular ones:
- She’s actually busy
- Doesn’t want to seem too invested
- She ins’t interested
- Too shy to talk to you
- Something turned her off
- You’re not the only one
- She’s made a false assumption about you
Once you figure out which is the reason she left you on read, address it with one of the solutions I provided for you in the article. Remember, approach this dilemma intelligently. You don’t want to let your emotions take over, or your ego. Strategy gives you the best chance at getting her back. Good luck! 🍀